Nigerian widow’s first hand account of her journey from loss, pain, to healing
In March 2016, Sokeye Esther Bukola embarked on a journey of love and matrimony with Sokeye Oluwaseun Gabriel, setting the stage for a promising future together. However, in February 2019, her world was shattered as she lost her beloved husband, leaving her a widow with two young children. This marked a profound turning point in her life, plunging her into a world of grief, numbness, shock, and fear.
Navigating Widowhood in Nigeria:
Sokeye Esther shares her unique experience of widowhood in Nigeria, a country where economic hardship adds an extra layer of difficulty to the already challenging journey of loss. She acknowledges that discussing the pain of her husband’s loss is disheartening, bringing tears whenever she contemplates her condition and the ongoing hardships in the country. Even if one’s marriage was far from ideal, the sense of loss and emptiness remains. Losing a spouse is a uniquely devastating experience that few can truly understand, and societal expectations often dictate how one should grieve, leading to harsh judgments.
Personal Coping Skills:
Despite the societal norms and expectations, Sokeye Esther discovered personal coping skills that helped her navigate her loss and begin the healing process. She emphasized the need to manage her grief on her terms, disregarding outside judgments. Her widowhood experience is characterized by profound emptiness, trauma, emotional turmoil, and financial stress. She yearns for the shared responsibilities of parenting and the emotional support that her husband provided. As time passes, she desires to connect with people and rebuild her life.
Finding Support and Resilience:
To aid her healing, Sokeye Esther joined support groups for widows where she connected with others who understood her story and circumstances. These groups, such as the Patrick Stephen Purple Heart Foundation for widows and the Christian Widows & Widowers Empowered (CWWE), provided a sense of belonging and resilience. She also found solace in reading books that shared the experiences of other widows. Attending conferences and engaging in community activities further contributed to her healing.
Becoming Self-Sufficient:
With the responsibility of providing for her two children, Sokeye Esther sought guidance from online widowed financial advisors and coaches. Platforms like Widows-wallet on Instagram offered valuable insights. She explored social media platforms like TikTok and Facebook to maintain her emotional well-being, engaging in creative activities and sharing moments of joy with others. Self-care became a vital component of her healing journey, encompassing physical, emotional, and mental well-being.
**The Role of Spirituality:**
Sokeye Esther highlights the crucial role that spiritual solace played in her healing process. Spending time with God, participating in religious activities, and building a support network were essential strategies that helped her cope.
Conclusion:
Widowhood is a transformative and challenging experience, especially in a country like Nigeria. Sokeye Esther’s journey from loss to healing serves as an inspiration, demonstrating the importance of personal coping skills, support networks, self-sufficiency, and spirituality in the recovery process. Her story sheds light on the need for support and intervention for widows from individuals, groups, and government agencies.
